A bit of excitement followed by no more excitement can bring depression - like postpartum depression. I was excited about going to Denver, but I won't be going to Denver now. I was excited about the elections, but the elections are over. And now I just stare at this computer screen, feeling lifeless. Of all the stuff to do here, I don't have any motivation to do anything.
I've lost the hope of ever having a relationship with my children, so I no longer have that to live for.
I still have issues that prevent me from getting a real job and having a steady and reliable income - income necessary to keep my apartment. Soon enough, I'll be without a place again.
The elections are over. And though I am happy beyond words for Obama's success, that battle is over and done. Yet, Republicans have taken over Tennessee politics. And that means that things will not be improving for the poor and homeless here anytime soon. More than likely, things will only get worse.
I don't feel like I have anything new to the conversation of homelessness. Most people don't listen anyway. And those that do are only choir folks, if you know what I mean.
The Nashville Downtown Partnership continues it's harassment of the homeless unabated. And is actually succeeding in spreading it's influence. Even the pastor of the Downtown Presbyterian Church gets all excited talking about being best friends with downtown property developers. (Yeah, even downtown developers need friends in the church, but I've NEVER heard this "man of God" ever talk about having friendships with poor and homeless folks, even though several hundred come to the church every week for help.)
You know, it really baffles me how people who have so much, spend so much of their time and energy deciding what poor people can't have.
But I digress.
There are things about me, things I will not talk about, or blog about, that will always prevent me from living like most other average people do. And that really caps it all. Even the things I can do are not inspiring me. It took me days just to write this post. Blah.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
What's Life Without Purpose?
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So you've hit another downspell and you need those of us who care about and support you to help out with affording your apartment. No problem, dear! I for one am not tired of giving a little and I'm sure you have plenty of other readers who aren't either. How much ya need? I've got to wait til I deposit my next (and last, until I get a new job) paycheck but I'm more'n willing to float you some fundage.
ReplyDeleteI really hope I don't sound too flip about your current downed emotional state. Truth is, I'm hoping the perky tone will help perk you up a bit. It can't stay dark forever, it can't rain all the time, and yes, you *are* doing good by raising your voice. If you're tired, take a rest and a refresh but please don't ever ever give up. The world needs you, Kevin.
In other news, the way gas prices are going down, even with my recent job loss (which I haven't blogged about 'cause my mom reads my blog and I don't want her to freak out), I still may be able to round up a friend or two and finagle a weekend Nashville trip. I'll send ya a Twitter message if I get down there. I'd love to pick ya up some lunch if I can. FWIW, you're pretty up there on my "bloggers I'd like to meet" list.
Kevin, Sorry you're feeling discouraged. I think all of us feel a little "purposeless" sometimes and maybe you've even done more than your fair share of feeling that way. I guess that's why the book "The Purpose Driven Life" was such a hit. (I've never read it--maybe I should.)
ReplyDeleteStill enjoying your blog.
Carrie
Keep your head UP Kevin. God is right there with you. Pray and you'll feel it. God will give you the strength, will, sense of purpose that you're looking for. I promise.
ReplyDeletePeace and blessings,
Alicia
Kevin, this sun going down at 4:30 pm thing sucks. I hope you know you have friends that love you. We all need encouragement. Thanks for sharing so we can attempt to be there =) As you feel like you've failed in getting to the point where you can even write this, we will fail as friends as well, but we're trying too!
ReplyDelete=)